Episode 24: A rose by any other name

I thought I would take a little time out from the usual disassociated bile of bilge that I spout, to bring you some of the more interesting things that I notice day in and day out in this pallid, doom-laden countryside I now call my homeland (mi patria). Before I go on, I do need to let you know that this blog is rather heavy with pictures, so I'm only uploading the small images. You can click on each individual picture to make it larger and see it more clearly, then just click your browser BACK button to come back to this page. Of course, you may find something infinitely more interesting to do in which case just go off and do that instead. I did.........it's taken me 16 goes to start writing this damn thing!!

The first thing that strikes me about this place is their obsession with old fashioned ladies names. For instance, wherever you go, there seems to be no lack of Fanny. Joyería Fanny (or The Joy of Fanny as I like to call it), is based in the little town down the road that I am going to be living in, in a couple of weeks time. Yes, at the tender age of 48 and 49 respectively, we're flying the coop, but more of that in another blog. My mother-in-law's reaction alone could take me more time than I have tonight.

The second Fanny was a rather manky looking hairdressers with an equally manky looking sign, I do need to tell you that the black bits on the picture are from the sign and not the bad photography. I looked through the window. Let's just say that you wouldn't want this particular Spanish Fanny giving you a blow-dry and just leave it at that!

Then you have Mildred the cake and a rather fetching looking hair mousse. Who fancies a head full of Nelly?? I mean, who in their right mind would be asking "Esperanza, can you pop down the local supermercado and get me some more Nelly? I've just spumed me last bit!"

Even the designers have old-fashioned names. Witness the shop below, 'Decoraciones Gladys'. Hardly Sir Terence Conran now is it? Imagine the scene.............

"Ooh Cuchi, I love what you've done with the curtains; how they clash so with the carpet, rugs and three piece suite"

"Oh bless you Immaculada. And it's all thanks to Gladys"

"Who would have thought that a near blind nonagenarian could have done something so cutting edge as this" etc etc etc.

I really must stop with this imagining lark. You see, I have a new imaginary friend, but she's Spanish and I don't understand a word she says. She encourages me to talk rubbish........like I need encouragement!!

Moving on from old ladies' names, the Spanish have a rather unhealthy obsession with wind. No José, I don't mean you........but if the cap fits....! Anyway, judge for yourself. Would you fancy eating these sweet treats (right) that we found in the supermarket the other week? 

Fartones!! They come in a pack of 5, apparently. Then there is the street, which is named Mauricio Farto Parra. Even the Spanish laugh at this, although bless them, they have no idea why. Poor souls! There is something about farts in this country though. We were sitting having lunch yesterday with a friend of ours, when a large white van went past with the name FARTO emblazoned on the side. It's a shame! I mean, imagine the humiliation of learning English and realising what your name actually means and then having to go and drive a van with it written down the side in 4 foot high letters, knowing that 33% of the local population have been laughing at you for the past few years?!

............and while we're on the subject of names, apart from the fact that I know of someone whose surname is Bastardo, you really wouldn't want to be called this would you??

Before anyone tells me otherwise, I do know of the story of the late English conductor Sir Thomas Beecham, who, after WWII, heard about the singer Marta Fuchs and sent an agent to Germany to assess whether she really was that good.

Bearing in mind that telegrams were expensive to send and people used as few words as possible, the Telegram came back to Beecham:
"Fuchs wonderful."

Beecham's prompt reply:
"Undoubtedly, but can she sing?"

And then we come to this little wonder. It's a place that sells DIY stuff and also offers designers to help you plan your dream home. The term 'Indian Giver' is used to describe someone who gives a gift and then sometime later, wants it back. Presumably with Chav Givers, they decorate the house in Burberry colours and then some time later, come back round and rob it all from you?





I decided to split up the parts of the body in this blog, as you can have too many unsightly bits in one place, but we're back. On our way back from England in the New Year, we flew via Madrid. We decided against the snacks in this cafeteria, but would you want a hot brown drink & sausage roll from a Madrid ARS?


Then, on our recent trip to the south, we came across this particular shop..............

Now, you may think that it's only mildly funny and to be honest, it's not the best picture I have on here today. It made me smile so I took a picture, but only because it reminded me of this shop (below left) that we saw in Uruguay when we went for a day trip there a few years ago when on holiday in Buenos Aires and this bar (below right) in Santiago de Compostela

As I always say, it pays to advertise. Go on, get yer titters out missus!!

And so we come to the last bunch. Menus always make me laugh at how well things have been translated and this one was no exception. These people have literally translated their menu, presumably using the Google translator and it's come up with these efforts; broken eggs and poor potatoes anyone??

For those lovely people out there who came to Prague with us that year the 12 of us went, you will doubtless remember that menu with the delights of "Collops like a truckwheel" on it, which sounded more like something you would see in an A&E department......."Ooh doctor, me collops are the size of a truckwheel!!" Sadly, I didn't have a camera with me, but I do have witnesses, although not to the size of my collops you understand.

And then you have this calculator, designed by a man called Alex Bog. Why? It sounds like a name straight out of "Carry On At Your Convenience".

I hope you've enjoyed my little trawl through the wonderful world of names, knowing full well that there are loads more out there waiting to be discovered, but I couldn't leave you without a couple of corkers. 


The first one is the name of a little village within a short drive of the village we all stayed in for the week when José and I got married in 2006 (yes, it will be 6 years in October). Anyway, here's a picture of a rusty old Cuntis sign and just to show you I'm not making it up, here's the shot from Google Maps to show you where it is. There are lots of jokes I could make here, but in the interests of decency - that and the fact that my mother will be reading this - I won't. Except to say that it has a reasonably large immigrant Brazilian population!!! Apparently!

My final picture isn't from Spain at all, but I really couldn't miss this one out. You may think it's hard to beat the previous picture for names, but you would be wrong. This picture was taken when we went on a day trip to Lantau Island when in Hong Kong one time. We went over to Lantau on the ferry and waited for the bus to take us to the giant statue of Buddha they have there. Whilst at the little bus station in the little ferry port, we were reading the signs at the ends of the various bus lanes to make sure we chose the one we needed, but were VERY tempted to eschew our trip to the Buddha and go here instead.....

There's not a lot I can say to that. Sweet dreams! 
xxx


By the way, Jane, can you email me please as I have no way of contacting you now! Thanks x