Episode 29: I am not Spinach

I can't begin to tell you how much José and I miss the UK. It's not just the fact that everyone speaks a language we both understand (although the jury is still out on Brummie!), but we miss the simpler things in life that you can't get here, like BOGOF offers in the supermarket or old people smelling of urine. And no, for a country rich in vineyards they don't smell of urine here, but wine. It's just as unpleasant but somehow, not the same.

Bloody ham and sodding cheese.
Kill me now!!!

When we were over in August, we marvelled at the things we used to take for granted when we lived there before: 

• sandwiches that weren't just ham and cheese
• sandwiches that had spread or butter in them and weren't just dried bread & filling
• sandwiches that you could buy in supermarkets and specialist sandwich shops, many of which looked edible, rather than those sitting dried up in some long forgotten bar covered in flies.

In fact, sandwiches in general got the thumbs up from me and the lovely José. It's amazing what you miss when you no longer have it, as I believe a famous Pope once said.

Stop it. Immediately!

I'm going to put on my serious voice now, so please stop clipping your nails at the same time you're reading this and listen, as you'll need to read this next bit very carefully. José and I have missed sandwiches so very much, that we have decided to come back to the UK to live and are closing the school here in Spain at the end of October. There, I've said it.

When we came to Spain, we didn't realise how important sandwiches were in our lives. Just being able to walk into Marks and Spencer and 5 minutes later be able to walk out with a coronation chicken triple decker, crisps and a bottle of coke meant the world to us. And it wasn't just sandwiches included in this emotional turmoil, but tortilla wraps and big baps too. 

Just looking at this picture makes me want to cry real man tears

Where M&S led, Sainsburys and Tesco followed suit, followed by Asda and then Lidl's 'Come-and-get-it-before-it-goes-off' lunchtime menu, consisting of a Spam butty, with goat & herb flavoured crisps, washed down with a bottle of Ukrainian fizzy pop.

Well, Lidl need to use up their stocks somehow.

I think I'm in love

José and I can no longer live like this. We've spent hundreds of pounds importing Mothers Pride and corned beef to Spain, only to find out at 11 o'clock at night that we'd run out of Branston Pickle and couldn't buy any from anywhere in this place that shopping forgot. That's not to mention the total lack of pickled onions. Yes, they do those little silverskin ones, but they are so fey and weak compared to their big butch cousins that make you fart like a racehorse. And so, gentle readers, the dream became a nightmare and we came to the conclusion that we were left with no option but to return to that Green and Pleasant Land we call England. England, home of the baguette and brie so beloved by us both and where we can swap the healthy green grapes option with a Kit-Kat in Tesco's Meal Deal and no-one cares.

Oh yes, and Spain is in a massive, humungous recession/depression at the moment and we weren't able to attract enough customers to sustain the school.

See you in Waitrose for the Christmas shopping!!

xx